Sanctuary
by DSI-ScullyGibson
Summary: "In the early days of their marriage, when she was still rather unhappy and alone, Cora had made a habit of disappearing to free herself from the judgment and biting remarks." Spoilers for 3x05 as it takes place sometime after 3x06.
1. Sanctuary: 1920

_Spoilers for 3x05 and 3x06._

_Sanctuary_

_1920_

In the early days of her marriage, when she was still rather unhappy and alone, Cora had made a habit of disappearing to free herself from the judgment and biting remarks. The obvious place, for a couple of weeks, had been her bedroom. She would excuse herself, claiming a headache, or some other form of illness, and disappear. However, that soon changed when she realized people could still easily come to her, whether she wanted them to or not. So she had gone in search of a new hiding place, one where no one knew to find her, or thought to look.

Her search had led her to the attic and to a quaint, quite little area with a window seat behind some sheer, white curtains. From that day on, it was there she went to escape the loneliness and terrifying reality of her new life. It had become her sanctuary rather quickly, since no one ever thought to come searching for her in the attic.

At dinner, she often got questions inquiring as to her whereabouts, to which she simply answered, "We were never in the same place at the same time, it would seem." It was almost like a game of cat and mouse, which rather amused her, knowing she was in a place they would never find her.

The day Robert finally confessed his love to her was the day she found she no longer needed the little sanctuary in the attic. Instead, he had become her new escape. Since the day he had confessed his love, she had never once felt lonely; she had always had someone on her side. Even during his time at war, she had his letters and their children to keep her company.

For years, she hadn't found herself in need of her little sanctuary once. But the sad day came when the little area in the attic was finally put to use once more: the day after her baby's funeral, her Sybil. No longer did Cora have her husband as her escape, as her form of comfort; he had drastically altered her view of him and essentially ripped her heart out the minute he refused to listen to Dr. Clarkson. In that moment, all she had heard was his refusal to save their little girl. Her death had been his fault. Rather than taking Dr. Clarkson's side, Dr. Clarkson who had known Sybil all her life, he took Sir Phillip Tapsell's side … a stranger. He believed Tapsell because he was knighted and fashionable and had a practice on Harley Street. He let all of that weigh against saving their daughter's life. And that … well, she found that so very hard to forgive.

So now, she had hidden herself away in the attic once more for the first time in thirty years, her knees pulled to her chest and her head buried in her skirts as she sobbed for her baby. Even after Dr. Clarkson had declared there truly was nothing that could be done for Sybil—that she was destined to die either way—even after she and Robert had somewhat reconciled, she still disappeared into the peaceful little area of the attic. She still disappeared to the attic because she still felt alone and angry and betrayed. A part of her still felt her husband was to blame, despite Clarkson's words. Sometimes she cried, and sometimes she simply stared out the window in a trance at the gardens below.

The attic was where Robert had found her a few days after Dr. Clarkson's confession. She had opened the window due to the room's stuffiness and the autumn breeze was gently blowing the sheer curtains from their normally still position. He had quietly approached her, saying her name in a soft tone that still succeeded in making her jump. She hadn't expected him to find her and he soon explained that Anna had believed she had seen her head in the direction.

For a few moments, they simply sat in silence. Hesitantly, Robert sat beside her, relieved when she didn't refuse him. The silence ticked on. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't comfortable either; it was just there. Then the silence was broken by a soft sob from Cora. Robert didn't hesitate in taking her into his arms, and for the first time in days, she didn't struggle against him. For the first time in days, she allowed him to comfort her.

And on that day, her sanctuary became their sanctuary.

_A/N: So this was really quickly thrown together when I was supposed to be studying for finals. This is my very first Downton Abbey fic, and my first story with absolutely no dialogue. I'm considering turning this into a series of unrelated Cobert oneshots, but I'm still debating. While I think on that, please leave a review with your thoughts!_

_Prompt: Your favourite hiding place._


	2. Raindrops: 1925

_Raindrops_

_1925_

Robert never thought he would be alone; he always thought he would be the one to go first. It seemed that he had been so very wrong; more than wrong, because there he was, watching the casket that held his wife's body lower into the ground. His heart felt as if it had shattered into a million miniscule pieces. They were supposed to have years left together. What was he supposed to do without the love of his life?

Cora had been fine and then … then suddenly she wasn't. What confused him, though, was that it had all started out as a common cold; just a little cough, nothing more, not even a fever. But then suddenly, it wasn't just a cold anymore. All at once, the cough had gotten worse—to the point where she couldn't get a breath and would nearly pass out. It had all been accompanied by a sudden fever and then, a few days later, blood in the handkerchief she had been coughing into.

_Pulmonary consumption,_ Dr. Clarkson had told them. Tuberculosis. He had told them that if they had found it a little earlier, her chances of living might have been increased, due to the means to treatment available now. But it had been too late for any of the treatments to even nearly work. So he had prescribed rest and fresh air.

By some miracle, Cora had begun to get better again. She still had difficulties breathing, and a small cough was still present, but she seemed to regain colour and a little bit of energy. Then one night, she had retired to bed early after dinner, claiming to be tired, which was plausible. Not even five minutes later he had decided to retire as well, just to make sure she fine. However, when he had reached the door to their room, he couldn't help but feel something was wrong. His fears had been proven true when the door had opened and he found his wife collapsed on the floor, no pulse and no breath being drawn.

And now, two days later, he was watching them bury the woman he had loved for thirty-five years. Even after it was all over and everyone had left, the rain beginning to fall, he still remained. He felt Mary's gaze on his back, but he ignored it as he finally allowed the proof of his sorrow to become visible, the tears mixing with the rain. There he remained, softly crying his wife's name along with unidentifiable words of apology, until his daughter's each gently took one of his arms and led him to the car.

He woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of a sweet voice calling his name. Turning over, he saw his Cora, a concerned look on her face as she gently brushed back the hair that had been sticking to his forehead. Gently, he took her hand in his, placing a kiss to it, softly saying, "I'm fine, my dear. It was just a dream."

And every night since for a few weeks, he said those exact words to himself in his head. _It was just a dream._

_A/N: I would like to apologize for this chapter. One, because of it's content, and two, because it's so short. This was literally written at 2 am and it seems my mind was in a rather depressive area. I also need a new title for this story now that I have decided to turn it into a series of oneshots, so any suggestions are more than welcome!_

_For anyone who is interested, the prompt was: A death in the family._


	3. Miracle: 1914

_Miracle_

_December 25, 1914_

The early morning sun shone in through the window, its rays tickling the child's little button nose. They light only served to enhance the happy glow on Cora's cheeks as she traced a gentle finger over the baby's features. Every now and then, she glanced up to the doctor and her lady's maid by the washbasin.

Hearing the door open, she tore her gaze away from the baby in her arms to see her husband entering the room, his face completely aglow with happiness. Without paying any mind to Dr. Clarkson and O'Brien still by the washbasin, he moved directly to his wife lying in the bed. A gentle kiss was pressed to Cora's forehead as he sat beside her before his hand gently ran over the small amount of dark hair on his son's head.

Son. _His_ son. The son who had been very hard to come by, and the son they had nearly lost shortly after discovering his conception.

Letting out a happy laugh, he pressed the gentlest of kisses to the boy's head. When Cora had awoken him just before midnight the night before, he had been beyond worry. It was too early, and yet their son was perfectly healthy…he was more than perfect.

"Our perfect boy," Robert whispered, looking up to his wife who was smiling down at him.

It was only then that he heard a tiny cry, but not from the boy in his wife's arms…it was from the corner of the room. He looked up at her again in confusion and then moved his gaze to Dr. Clarkson. The man's back was no longer turned to them and he now saw in his arms another baby, this one smaller than the boy. His eyes widened and he moved his gaze back to Cora—his beautiful Cora who had just given him not one, but two more children.

"Two?" he whispered, a slow smile now growing on his lips as he watched his wife nod and then let out the tiniest of laughs.

Shaking his head, another laugh fell from his lips and he covered her lips with his own in a soft kiss. Pulling away, he looked up to Dr. Clarkson as the baby girl was gently placed in his arms.

A son and a daughter. He didn't think he had ever been happier in his life than he was at that very moment.

"I don't think anything could compete with the gift you just gave me, my love," Robert told his wife with a smile, kissing the little girl's head as she settled into his arms and let out a shaky breath. "You have given me two little miracles."

_A/N: I know this is very brief, but I figured something short and sweet was appropriate for this. I apologise for the amount of time between my updates; university has been very busy. I think I'm going to try getting up another chapter sometime soon, hopefully longer this time. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this!_

_The prompt for this was: an unexpected gift._


	4. Goddess: 1919

_Goddess_

_May 1, 1919_

Grey. That was the colour of the hair she had found. It was grey. Not the dark, chocolaty colour that the rest of her hair was.

Staring at her reflection in the mirror that morning after O'Brien had left with the breakfast tray she had hardly touched, Cora found that she no longer recognized the woman in the mirror. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The dark hair was still there, and her bright blue eyes, but her hair had lost it's luster has the grey had started to appear, and her blue eyes were starting to lose their brightness. Where there had once stood a beautiful young woman, there now stood an old woman with wrinkles and grey hairs.

Taking in a shaky breath, she let her head fall into her hands as she rested her elbows on the vanity table, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. When had she gotten so old? It was no wonder Robert had kissed another woman—a younger woman. He was no longer in love with her…and no wonder. Her beauty had faded. It was gone. Clearly he was no longer attracted to her if he had gone for a woman who was younger.

So caught up had she been in her thoughts and tears that she had not heard the door open behind her until she heard his voice call her name. She jumped slightly and turned to look at him slowly, tear tracks visible on her cheeks. "What are you doing out of bed?" He asked in a soft voice, moving to her. "You know Clarkson wants you in bed until you have fully recovered and regained your strength."

Looking down, Cora closed her eyes and shook her head, her hands gripping onto the sides of the chair. "I'll go now," she whispered quietly, but still not moving from the chair.

She heard Robert let out a small sigh and then felt his hand gently lift her chin. Her eyes fluttered open after a moment and she let out a tiny sob when she saw the look in his eyes. He pulled her into his arms as she sobbed quietly, simply holding her and rocking her.

"Now, my darling, are you going to tell me what is wrong?" He asked quietly when she had calmed down after a few moments, gently caressing her cheek with a knuckle.

No sound came from Cora for a few moments, save for the odd sniffle or tiny sob. After a few moments, however, she took in a shaky breath and clutched the front of his shirt tightly. "You don't love me anymore…" she whispered quietly. "I've gotten…old. I'm old and no longer as beautiful as I once was. That's why you kissed that maid."

A look of pure shock appeared on her husband's face and then the pure shock was replaced with sadness. "My darling…" he whispered, lifting her in his arms and holding her close to him. "That kiss was a lapse in judgment on my part. I was feeling neglected and…well, none of that is an excuse for how I acted. But the minute I heard how ill you were, I forgot about everything else but you."

He gently placed his wife on the bed, pulling the blankets up around her and then laying down next to her. "And I never want to hear you speak of my wife like that again," he teased quietly. "You are not old, my love. In my eyes, you have not aged a day. You are still the same beautiful…goddess that I married. The same beautiful woman that I fell in love with, and the one I am still in love with."

A few tears continued to roll down Cora's cheek and she took in a shaky breath, snuggling closer to him. She felt his thumb on her cheek, starting to gently wipe her tears away before kissing her nose. "I will always love you, my beautiful Cora. And no one else."

_This takes place shortly after the Spanish Flu went through Downton. I imagine that once the fact that Robert had nearly cheated on her settled in, Cora would have become rather upset and doubtful of herself, especially since Jane was younger than she was._


	5. Darling: 1891

_Darling_

_January 1891_

It had been nearly a week now; a week that she had been feeling ill. It wasn't bad. Usually she went downstairs, but today she simply wasn't feeling up to going down. However, she knew her mother-in-law would be around to insist she come downstairs eventually.

She had felt physically ill for a while now, yes, but the doctor had been by to inform her it was nothing to worry about. She was merely expecting their first baby. Her and Robert's first baby…they were going to be parents. And that was what made her feel so sick, and not just physically. It made her heartsick as well. They were becoming parents…and her husband didn't even love her; he couldn't even find the time to come and see her unless it was for their nightly activities. He didn't love her, and they were having a baby.

Letting out a sigh, Cora lowered herself onto the window seat, her head resting against the cold windowpane as she watched the snow fall outside. Why was it always so much colder here than at home? She always felt cold…cold to the bone, even in the summer. Maybe it was because everyone was so cold to her. No one ever showed her any warmth. She was merely the American girl who had been brought in to save the estate and provide an heir to the current heir of the Earl of Grantham. Nothing else.

She took in a shaky breath and pulled her dressing gown tighter around her, her hand hesitantly finding its way to her stomach. What if she had a boy? They would have an heir, of course, but it was well known that if there was no love in an English aristocratic marriage—and the wife had already produced an heir—then both parties could pursue affairs if they so wished. Would he be done with her if she were to give him an heir right away? She really didn't want that. She loved him. It was this thought that had prevented her from telling Robert immediately about the baby.

Then again, what if she had a girl? Would he be upset? She really couldn't tell because, sadly, she didn't know her husband. Nearly one year of marriage and she didn't know her husband. Nearly one year of marriage and all she wanted was to run home to her poppa.

A small sob fell from her lips just as the door opened. At first, she didn't notice anyone enter the room, until she heard her husband's voice whisper her name. She jumped just slightly and lifted her head from the window to look at him, quickly wiping the tears that had managed to fall.

"I did knock, it's just no one…are you alright?" He asked softly. "You've been crying…"

Cora watched him for a moment, trying to blink back the tears that were still threatening to spill down her cheeks. Oh, how she loved him…she had loved him from the moment she had set eyes on him across the ballroom at the first ball she had attended at the season. But he didn't love her, so she merely whispered, "I'm fine." He didn't need to be bothered with her troubles.

She heard Robert let out a sigh as she let her head once more fall against the window, her eyes watching the large snowflakes peacefully float their way to the ground. "You know, I hate seeing you like this…so upset and defeated," he whispered, gently lifting her legs and sitting beside her on the window seat before resting her legs on top of his. "I should have been better…a better husband, better at making you feel welcome…better at standing up for you to my mother; just a better husband in general. I should have been better because I have been so blind."

Cora looked at him curiously but said nothing as he continued speaking. "I have been blind to what I have," he whispered quietly. "And I shouldn't have been because I have something most people spend their whole lives looking for."

Taking in a shaky breath, Cora closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them to look at him, a fresh layer of tears was shining in them. "What is that?" She asked almost inaudibly.

"Someone who would give me the world if I asked," Robert answered softly, gently moving a little bit closer to her. "And that terrifies me."

Cora let out a small sob at those words and looked down. At some point during his speech, Robert had taken her hand, and she squeezed his hand gently. "I've been blind because I love you, Cora," he whispered, tears now slipping from his own eyes. "I think I have this whole time, I just wasn't able to understand it until now."

Those words only made the tears start to slip from her eyes, causing Robert to give her a worried look as his own tears began to flow quicker. "I love you too, darling," she whispered, leaning close to him and holding his hands tightly as she rested her head on his shoulder.

They sat like that for a few moments, simply holding one another and crying soft tears of joy. But after a few moments, Cora lowered one of his hands to her stomach. "Soon there will be one more to love us," she whispered, looking up to him to see his reaction.

Pure awe. That was what she saw on her husband's face. Pure awe and then loving happiness. His hand caressed her flat stomach for a moment before looking up at her. "Oh, my darling love," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

* * *

_I'm so sorry I haven't updated this or Where I Will Always Love You for a while. I am taking some spring and summer courses, so I just got busy, and we're moving me out of my dorm and into an apartment in a few weeks too. Spring semester just ended, so I'm going to have more time over the next two weeks. I hope you guys liked it!_

_Prompt was: "I have something most people spend their whole lives looking for." "What's that?" "Someone who would give me the world if I asked. And it terrifies me."_


End file.
